The Role of Self-Intimacy in Long-Term Healing for MST Survivors
- taylor crawford
- Jun 15
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Military Sexual Trauma (MST) doesn’t just disrupt a survivor’s relationship with others—it can profoundly fracture their relationship with themselves.
Whether you’re a therapist, peer support provider, veteran advocate, or survivor, we must talk about something often absent from MST recovery narratives:
Understanding the Importance of Self-Intimacy
MST is frequently discussed in terms of reporting, legal hurdles, or partner dynamics. However, healing begins long before these external outcomes. It starts within the survivor. Specifically, the journey commences when the survivor can safely and compassionately reconnect with their body, needs, and desires.
What is Self-Intimacy?
Self-intimacy is the deep, internal experience of being emotionally and physically present with oneself. It encompasses:
Awareness of Personal Needs: Being tuned into what you need emotionally and physically.
Compassionate Self-Engagement: Treating yourself with kindness and understanding.
Respect for Boundaries: Recognizing and respecting the limits you set for yourself.
For MST survivors, this concept can be complex. The body, once a source of strength or pride, may feel foreign, unsafe, or violated. Sexuality, which was once expressive or curious, may now feel shut down, hyperactivated, or entirely disconnected from pleasure.
That's not a sign of dysfunction. It’s a normal response to trauma. This is why rebuilding a safe and trusting relationship with oneself is so critical.
The Hidden Impacts of MST on Self-Connection
MST survivors often endure layered trauma that includes:
Emotional Numbness: Feeling detached from one's emotions and experiences.
Disconnection from the Body: Seeing the body as mechanical or dangerous, leading to discomfort in vulnerable moments.
Confusion Around Intimacy: Struggling with arousal, attraction, or the experience of pleasure.
These experiences don’t just interfere with external intimacy—they erode internal intimacy as well.
Many survivors report feeling emotionally disconnected from their own needs. They may describe a sense of detachment from their bodies. This detachment can lead to viewing the body as shameful or dangerous. As a result, they may struggle to feel safe when alone.
The confusion around intimacy often leads to a fear of self-judgment when attempting to engage with touch or physical connection. These responses aren’t signs of weakness; they are natural outcomes of trauma that necessitate compassion, patience, and support to navigate.
Why Self-Intimacy Is Central to MST Recovery
Self-intimacy empowers survivors to reclaim agency over how, when, and whether they engage in physical closeness. It lays the groundwork for cultivating emotional safety before venturing into interpersonal intimacy. Through this internal connection, survivors can begin to distinguish between trauma-driven responses and genuine desires.
Rebuilding this relationship with oneself allows for safer associations with the body—rooted in choice, compassion, and control. By developing internal boundaries and practicing self-consent, survivors can navigate relational intimacy from a grounded awareness.
Self-intimacy is not a “soft” skill; it is a relational cornerstone. It equips survivors to build outward connections from a place of internal safety, rather than from survival mode.
How Self-Intimacy Supports Long-Term Healing
Trauma often silences a survivor’s inner voice, replacing curiosity with control and desire with dissociation. Reintroducing self-intimacy can counter these effects by:
Rebuilding Trust in Bodily Signals: Helping to reconnect with the body’s natural cues.
Restoring Access to Emotions: Allowing survivors to feel emotions that may have been suppressed.
Reframing the Body as a Source of Wisdom: Shifting perception to see the body as a source of strength rather than harm.
Self-intimacy offers a judgment-free space to practice consent, pause, and experience pleasure, without the expectations of another person. For many survivors, these may seem like simple acts, but they are often the first instances of true safety since the trauma occurred.
Practicing self-intimacy might involve:
Sitting with a sensation instead of avoiding it.
Naming an emotion without the need for justification.
Engaging in soothing practices like mindful touch or aromatherapy.
These practices promote comfort, not performance, leading to a deeper connection with oneself.
Why We Must Normalize Self-Intimacy
As professionals and communities, we must acknowledge that healing from trauma involves more than disclosure or justice; it’s about reclaiming wholeness. Intimacy is not solely defined by relationships; it begins with self-awareness, embodied trust, and a compassionate relationship with oneself.
For survivors, sexual health must include the freedom to explore, redefine, or even step away from desire altogether, on their own terms. Honoring this autonomy is vital for supporting true, trauma-informed healing.
We must transition from a focus on “function” towards embodied connection. We should ask:
What does it look like to return to yourself, not as you were before MST, but as you are now, in a body you’re learning to trust again?
Final Thoughts
Self-intimacy after MST is not a return; it’s a reawakening.
It’s not a process to rush, perform, or perfect. Rather, it’s a gradual journey of reclaiming what was never truly lost: your right to feel, to choose, and to belong fully to yourself.
As we continue to support MST survivors in their healing journey, let’s create space for more than just disclosure. Let’s foster environments where self-connection and sensual healing can thrive.
Because the most powerful form of intimacy a survivor can experience may not be with another person—it may be the moment they feel safe enough to come home to themselves.
Comments